Many years ago, I was in a miserable situation and felt there was no way out. In my mind, I was completely entangled and couldn’t figure out how to disentangle myself without loads of collateral damage. Then one night, I had a dream in which I noticed vines growing out through my skin – first around my waist but then creeping along the rest of my body. At first, I just found it curious and wore baggier clothes to cover the vines up. They grew thicker and more lush and people began to notice. The vines also began to encircle my chest and throat and I had a difficult time breathing. I finally realized I had to weed myself just to be able to breathe and mentally steeled myself for the pain. But as I began to pull the vines out of my skin, it didn’t hurt so much – it was more of a tough tug but then they pulled out firmly and fell away. I pulled out vine after vine until I was freed and after I was done, I saw little bits of the leaves that had broken off and gotten trapped under my skin. I marveled at how tender and delicate my skin was and I knew I'd be raw for a while. But, I was free.
If that wasn’t my psyche telling me it was time to weed my life, I don’t know what was. So, I replicated what happened in the dream: I mentally steeled myself and got to work. Unlike the dream, it was indeed painful and difficult but when it was finally over, I felt that same relief and understanding that I was tender and raw.
You’ll probably notice that I haven’t specified what my miserable situation was and I’ve been deliberately vague here because it doesn’t matter. We all start something – be it a job, a romantic relationship, even a friendship – with the best intentions and hopes, but as we evolve and change, we can begin to feel trapped. We feel that entanglement and can’t see a clear path out. Maybe we feel financially tethered to our employer, or maybe we feel legally obliged to stay in a very unhealthy marriage. Maybe we fear judgement, or maybe we fear bearing the anger and wrath of others.
As my dream showed me, at what point are we willing to stay trapped? My air supply was about to be cutoff before I realized I had to get to work. And sometimes, it might take something that drastic to face the painful untangling. Take it slowly, one strand at a time, until freedom is in sight and we can see the path out again. And, understand that we will be delicate, raw, and changed – but free.
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