The topic of trust came up inadvertently the other day as a friend and I were talking about where they are in life. After a pretty unfortunate series of events, they said they've been feeling pretty shut down in general and was wondering what was wrong. To me, nothing at all was wrong - they're just in the process of rebuilding trust in themself and in others.
We've all been in relationships where we felt blindsided when the end hit. We didn't see it coming at all, and our ability to trust ourselves is absolutely gone. I certainly remember thinking "How could I have been so wrong?" after one particularly bad blow up. We become extremely shy of even meeting people again because we neither trust them to be authentic, nor do we trust ourselves to know the difference.
This can also happen after loss and while the circumstances are clearly very different, the effects are similar. Whether the loss is sudden or slow, we might feel just as blindsided by life. How could we have trusted that this wouldn't happen? How could we have thought we'd have many more years ahead with our loved one? In short, how could we have been so wrong?
Trust also impacts friendships and work relationships. As I mentioned when I talked about Doom Swoopers, some people will appear out of nowhere and position themselves as deep confidantes but then disappear just as quickly - after we've trusted them with our pain. With work, we may feel a lack of trust in our employer or colleagues because we feel a lack of empathy - how can we trust they'll provide us with the space and grace we need to cope?
Trust, although not easily built, can be created with time. I remember a friend once saying to only spend time with those who have my best interests in mind and that advice is absolutely golden. But, we can turn that inward: are we making decisions with our own best interests in mind? When we do, we can have more trust in our thoughts and feelings because we're not rationalizing gut instincts away.
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