The Gift of Solitude

A few weeks after Bill died, I tried to open a jar of salsa. The lid was on tight and wouldn't budge no matter how hard I struggled. I lost my mind and burst out crying because I felt like I was totally incapable of doing even simple things. It wasn't enough that I'd just lost my husband and didn't know our financial situation - I couldn't even open a damn jar on my own.

Once I talked myself out of salsa-inspired hysteria, I decided I would open that effer come hell or high water. Every day, I pulled it out and tried to open it. Finally, after several weeks, I felt the lid finally give and pop open. This time, I wept out of relief and happiness that I could indeed do things by myself.

I'd of course had a life of my own before we married so I was not a stranger to doing things on my own but any healthy relationship holds things that we do for each other. When you're suddenly and sharply alone, you become very aware of all of those things - big and small - that your partner used to do that you now have to.

However, this is where a shift in mindset can be life-saving. I decided to face a lot of fears that first year just to prove to myself that I could do the hard things on my own. And this all circled back around a few weeks ago when I took a little solo road trip to Southern California. I wasn't there for happy reasons, but by the time I left, I was very satisfied that I handled it all on my own - from the 4+ hour drive down, to showing up and being present for those who needed me, to lugging all of my bags in and out of the car - the big and little things.

I admit, I don't suffer loneliness all that often so maybe that helps, but when we embrace our own strength and capabilities, being alone doesn't seem all that bad. We allow ourselves the space to do whatever we want and we're in total control. We also open ourselves up to possibility. I've met some incredible people who are now friends during solo trips. That small change of perspective from seeing solitude as sad or as a burden to being empowered and in control is everything.