Over the years, I've heard several people push back against therapy. "I don't need it," one person assured me. "They can't tell me anything I don't know,"another stated. "They just try to get into your head," another noted. These are all really common complaints as a way to deny the importance, but I think there's actually something else going on there.
Fear.
Maybe some people truly don't need therapy and kudos to them! That's awesome. We should all be so lucky.
Maybe a therapist can't tell us anything we don't know, but knowing and understanding are two very different things. (I know quantum physics exists but I sure as hell don't understand it...)
And maybe therapists do try to get into our heads but that's their job. It's crucial to understand why clients believe certain things in order to help them.
Many people deflect therapy out of fear and that's understandable. We don't want a therapist to drill down into the real us. We don't want them to know things we locked away years ago. We certainly don't want to be rehashing old history that was painful or shameful. But, at some point we have to ask ourselves: Why are we behaving in ways that don't help us create the best possible lives?
Therapy is not about judgement. It's not about telling us that we're wrong or that we're bad. (And if you ever do come across a therapist like that? Run.) Therapy is about understanding how we came to where we are, what has caused us to seek therapy out, and why we behave the way we do.
A good therapist can certainly give professional advice, but an even better one will help clients understand their stories well enough to weigh their options and make the best possible decisions for themselves. A good therapist will take it as slowly as we need to. And it's HARD. Being painfully honest and opening up about things that we don't want to touch can be brutal. But often, it's those painful things that inform our behaviors and beliefs - the same things that cause us to recreate cycles we don't want.
Therapy won't fix you because you're not broken. And just understanding that is a wonderful relief.
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