The fear of rejection can be paralyzing. I wrestled with this for most of my life and it honestly prevented me from furthering career and even just interests. I felt like any rejection was a rejection of my whole self, which I interpreted to mean that there was something fundamentally flawed about me.
But in grad school, that all changed.
One of the better professors I had spent a lot of time talking about the realities of the academic world, including applying for post-doc positions and submitting articles to publications. "Most will be rejected," she warned us, "but it's rarely about the quality of the work. It's usually due to timing. Maybe they have too many articles already about the topic, or maybe someone else pursing the same focus is already in the program. They know what's a good fit and what isn't, so try not to take it personally."
This was life changing news to me, and something I think about a lot as I move through this world.
And, being now on the other side of it, it's totally true. I've been involved with hiring for 5 years now and very rarely is a decision made because of the person themselves. 90% of the time, it's about availability, comfort level with technology, being a team player, and having the depth of knowledge in wine that we need. Those are really the most important things for us. If I don't move forward, it's not because I didn't like the person - it's just because it wasn't a great fit.
How freeing is this? It's basically been such a big boost to my courage that I'm willing to try things out that I never, ever would have done before because I was too scared of rejection.
If we can shift our perspectives towards this, it really opens everything up. It can even apply to interests and career pursuits: what would you like to try? What's the worst that can happen? It's not a good fit? That's good to know! Onward.
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