As we head into the holidays, let's consider what we can give those who are struggling with grief. Gifts, of course, are always appreciated, but what kinds of gifts?
Depending on where someone is in their journey, there are many meaningful and thoughtful ways to offer something. As always, ask first to avoid an embarrassing assumption.
1) A meal train or service. Sometimes, just trying to eat is impossible in deep grief. This is compounded for those with kids. An acquaintance is struggling with profound grief - she finds it difficult to wake up every day, much less feed her four children. Meal trains are wonderful ways to surround those who are struggling with love. However, if the grieving person is single or simply isn't eating a lot, consider an Uber eats gift card or a meal delivery service. They'll better be able to eat as they're able to that way.
2) Help with cleaning or laundry. Trust me when I say that the last thing I cared about after Bill died was cleaning the house. Hell, I couldn't even remember to bathe - my mother had to remind me after a few days. Offering to help with simple cleaning can be incredibly useful. Or, offer to pick up and drop off laundry. It probably won't be done otherwise.
3) Help with childcare. If the survivor has children and is the beneficiary, they're going to have loads of paperwork to sort through. Offer to take care of their kids while they do it. Providing space for undivided attention can help make an onerous task pass more quickly.
4) Help with pet care. If the survivor is working full time, this can be invaluable. I was trying to, and trying to maintain our house and our rental. Poor Klaus wasn't getting the attention that he very much needed. I had a dog walker who was great, thank goodness. Arranging for a service or even just offering to take care of the pets is one less thing a survivor has to worry about.
5) Help with paperwork. While we certainly can't take over the paperwork, we can offer to help take notes of everything. Beneficiaries have to meet with so many different institutions at a time when brain fog is the thickest. Having someone there to take notes in detail can be so helpful because survivors might not remember a word that was said later on.
6) Help cleaning out. This is a "ONLY when they're ready" kind of thing, but help sorting through the belongings of those who passed can be sanity-saving. If it's an entire house that needs to be cleared out, offer to organize a group to pitch in.
Obviously, these are just a few ideas. Always ask first, but these offers might help the survivor feel brave enough to accept.
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