Many years ago, my best friend asked me to be her Lamaze coach when she was pregnant with her first child. It was a fascinating experience but at the time, I questioned the efficacy of it all. How could... breathing... deter the pain of childbirth? It didn't seem possible to me, particularly since we just breathe unconsciously anyway.
Of course, I was missing the point entirely.
Obviously, the Lamaze method doesn't promise an easy birth experience but the wisdom of providing something we do unconsciously anyway as a point of focus is profound. When we are in pain or are incredibly stressed, taking deep, controlled breathes in and out allows us to ground down in the moment. It can also help us understand the anticipated duration through counting. If we can make it through 1, 2, 3... hopefully we know that by 4, the pain crests and we're on the other side of it by 5.
Knowing this helped me get through a bad health experience of my own in my 30s. The pain seemed unbearable but I kept breathing and counting, and I visualized the pain as an actual wave. By the time I was at 5, I was on the other side of the crest and the pain ebbed, if only for a while.
Focusing on the breath also gives us much-needed oxygen in times of duress. I never really noticed this until my later 20s but when I'm really stressed, I find myself almost gulping for air. I can't seem to breathe completely at all, which causes a physical stress that mimics the psychological one. (Not-so-coincidentally, I noticed this in grad school... which is to say that grad school is, in fact, bad for my health.)
After loss, it's not unusual to have a difficult time getting enough air. Our nervous systems are completely tweaked out and trying to still the mind through breath might be a challenge for several reasons. Early on, I couldn't handle any sort of meditation or stillness because it would amplify the grief. After a few months, though, yoga and breath work did provide that space of quiet that was just long enough to give me a break. And, since major illnesses are quite common among those who have recently experienced profound loss, breath work is a part of taking care of ourselves and striving to be as healthy as we can reasonably be at such a time.
We can't control a lot of what will happen in our lives but taking the time to calm, quiet, and just breathe can help us better deal with it all.
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