Issues

I'm the first to admit that I got more issues than National Geographic. We all do. Be honest.

Understanding that is a different story. We all carry around unresolved conflict, regret, loss, trauma - the gamut. While some hide it better than others, it is universally true that no one makes it to adulthood completely unscathed.

So, are we all just doomed to re-enact the wrongs of our past? Absolutely not. The past is the past and can't touch us. (Of course there is serious abuse and trauma that can cause longterm PSTD - I'm not minimizing that at all.) For most of us, we choose to hang on to beliefs about being victimized because it's part of our identity. Challenging that, even if it would help us release the pain, challenges who we are. And that ain't fun.

That said, it all will come up. It's inevitable. The harder we push it down, the more it will fight back and it will come out in unhealthy ways if we don't deal with it. This is particularly true after loss. The death of a loved one will bubble up all those negative thoughts we've embedded in our psyches. It's why people can say cruel things (meaning, they haven't dealt with their own demons), or why we interpret benign statements to be cruel (meaning we haven't dealt with ours). Unresolved issues make difficult times that much more so - and when we think about it, why are we willingly taking that on?

Learning to face our issues is badass. It's one of the hardest things we can do but it's the way for peace and clarity. Really drilling down and asking some tough questions can help elucidate stories we've clung to that really are only harming us.