Personal growth can take many different forms. We can aim to become healthier, better friends, more financial stable - anything, really. The underlying ability to grow and sustain the growth all comes down to the same thing: the ability to shift our mindsets.
I've heard several grief coaches refer to 'post-traumatic growth' instead of 'post-traumatic stress.' While I believe that oversimplifies the complexity of true PTSD, there is the very valid point of recognizing that life does go on after loss. Loss shatters us, and from there we can decide how our pieces are put back together again. I hear clients say all the time "but I didn't want this!" and it's a sentiment I know all too well. But, the 'this' happened. So, now what?
I love the analogy of concrete. Nothing grows through concrete unless the concrete breaks open, even a little. We simply can't grow if we're wedded to a cemented mindset. And whether we choose to break it open or life does it for us, cracking that cement is necessary to allow new life to come forth.
I wrote a book about losing Bill and Klaus and everything else that happened. I was so thrilled when I received the proof, but the thrill was immediately followed by panic. What would people think? How would they judge me for the choices I made? I've had to talk myself down from that ledge because the fact is that people will think whatever they want. I can't control that. I can control sharing the painful details of my life honestly and openly. I'm not used to that kind of openness because I was raised to keep my poker face of strength on no matter what. But that's simply not honest for me anymore. And to be purely true and honest with who I am is the only way forward for me. It's not fun, it can be painful, but it's breaking up that concrete mind.
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