Many years ago, right after my step-father died, I went to see a therapist. I was living in a new town at the time and lacked in-person support. My grief caught me off-guard and I was struggling just to get out of bed. I thought I was going crazy because I had no idea how deeply grief could impact my ability to function. She suggested I start a gratitude journal in which I would list just five things I was happy to have in my life.
At first, I think I only wrote "My cat" five times but slowly, after a few weeks, I found the exercise easier and could list more than five. The reason, of course, was to help me find some light during that dark time. It's a good concept, but I'd like to twist it around: let's list five things that we're thankful to have in ourselves.
On the surface, this seems simple but it's not at all. We're always our own harshest critics and the things we say to ourselves would be considered abusive if we said them to children. We absolutely berate ourselves over simple things, and we refuse to forgive ourselves for the not-so-simple things.
Why is that? Think about it for a moment: If a friend came to you and articulated all of the same negative self-talk you do about herself, you'd stop her immediately, right? You'd highlight all of the amazing things about her, and you'd probably be shocked to learn that she thinks so poorly of herself.
I'm not suggesting we take on an overblown ego and brag constantly - that's usually from a place of insecurity anyway. But starting with a self-gratitude journal is a step towards self-appreciation which hopefully leads to the path of true self-love. Many of us crave love and recognition from others, but if we don't have it for ourselves, it's never enough. There will always be something missing, or we might feel the love and attention from others as a bit suspect.
Try it. The first week or two might be a struggle. But soon, you'll be listing all the badass shit you've done, thought, accomplished, and are capable of. Why wouldn't you love that person?
Comments