The emphasis on gratitude has been overwhelming this year. We're bombarded with messages to move past our many disappointments and be thankful. After a while, it feels too thin and false, like we're just throwing up some tepid post and including #blessed.
So how can we move through fear, doubt, uncertainty, and anger and focus on gratitude? Why is it even important?
The power of true gratitude runs much more deeply than a humble-brag social media post. Understanding how fortunate we are to be here now - to truly understand that - can help shift our perspective and draw us out of our own heads. And it's exactly when we're in our own heads that we do ourselves the most emotional damage.
Think about something that has stressed you out. Something that sets you off in a total spin. Then, hit the pause button and ask yourself "Is that really true?" More often than not, we spin out over our interpretation of something, not the fact of it.
Here's a silly but pretty clear example. Last year, my boss asked me why I hadn't scheduled anyone for a specific side project. I immediately spun out and worked up a series of defensive excuses. Was he attacking me when he asked? Of course, no. He was curious. And the simple answer was that I didn't know I was supposed to staff anyone for that project. But his question tapped into my own insecurities about dropping the ball when I was emotionally tapped out (and really ought not to have been working). If he had asked instead why I wasn't purple, I would have laughed at the inanity of the question because it would have been meaningless. It was the meaning I attached to his question that spun me out so much.
So, to link this back to gratitude: one of the most simple ways to stop a spin-out is to connect to our immediate surroundings. We focus on something we see, something we hear, something we smell, etc. From there, take a moment and ask "Why do I see that? What does it mean to me?" Very often we'll focus on something comforting. Why is it comforting? Where does it take us when we think about it?
Connecting with the moment is a step towards gratitude because it pull us out of the worry about the future or regret about the past. We can't change the past, and we can only guide the future. Grounding down in the moment is key to pulling out of the psychological warfare we wage on ourselves every day.
From there, it can be interesting to ask "Why am I here?" Question that deeply. Why me when so many others don't have the chance? What do I bring? What can I give? How can I serve? And, what is beautiful about this?
Finding the small graces can help us feel more deeply connected to each other and the universal fabric. That, for me, is the basis of gratitude.
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