Gratitude, in doses

With Thanksgiving only a week away, the cultural emphasis on gratitude is cranked up. We need to express our gratitude for everything, all the time, because we're so #blessed. And while it's probably true that most of us reading this have experienced far easier lives than the majority of others in the world, that doesn't mean that we can just whip up genuine joy and gratitude when we're feeling lost or are in emotional turmoil.

And, what good is gratitude if it's not genuine?

It's really, really hard to be thankful after profound loss. It can feel almost like a cruel joke, like "Am I really supposed to be thankful that I lost my human?" And I could try to make the argument that yes, we were lucky enough to have had them in the first place but that doesn't help because it means we were lucky to have loved and to have lost - and that doesn't feel particularly lucky.

How, then, can we tap into gratitude when we're just not feeling it?

Like most tidal shifts in thinking, we need to start with very very small steps.

When we're really struggling, it's helpful to set aside a specific time each day to think about gratitude. For me, this meant journaling and I kept a gratitude journal for a while (and still do when I feel myself slipping...) The first time I ever did was shortly after my step-father died and I was having a really hard time. And for the first week or two, I could find very little to be thankful for other than my cat. Every day, though, I would focus on him, if that's all I could this of. Just knowing I had my wonderful cat would help just a little. Slowly, I was able to add a little more to my list each day and after a few weeks, I was easily writing down a list of things in my life that were actually pretty good.

Did this mean I was all ok? Nope. But helping to clear out the view of "Oh my god everything is awful" enabled me to understand that I wouldn't always feel so low.

This Thanksgiving, let's gives ourselves the room to just be thankful for the small things, if that's all we can think of. The holidays can be incredibly difficult after profound loss and sometimes the small things are what gets us through. Release the pressure of having the biggest, the most, the loudest, the brightest - just being here is enough. That's it.