Figure it out

How many things do we avoid because we don't know how to do them? We may not even be overtly aware of it but these are the result of pesky self-limiting beliefs.

Each time we accept that something is too difficult and we walk away, that means we're walking away from the opportunity to learn, to grow, and to empower.

Believe it or not, this is one of the few gifts that comes with loss. After I lost Bill, I was forced to do all sorts of things I previously believed I couldn't. Sure, I could have hired someone or asked for more help and maybe I should have - but, I will never forget the feeling of total helplessness when I didn't know who he'd hired to work on our taxes, or who he'd gotten a quote from to replace our roof, or who our insurance company was. Crying about it might feel appropriate at first but it wasn't going to take care of all of those things. I was determined to figure it out - all of it.

Everyone is different, so the early days of grief might just be too overwhelming. Thinking about tackling the unknown on top of everything else might be too much - and that's valid. For me, they provided focus and distraction and helped me make sense of my loss. That said, for the move out of the house, I absolutely hired a crew. I'd just moved in a month before and to try to figure out the logistics - again - was too much. I gave myself that space.

When faced with daunting tasks or things we think we can't do, it's valuable to ask:

• Why do I think I can't do it?

• Is that true?

• What will happen if I fail?

• How will I know if I've failed?

• What will happen if I succeed?

• How will I know if I've succeeded?

I'm not going to pretend to be a master home renovator, but I can say that I know how to tear up a carpet and repaint a room. I'm not a financial wizard, but I learned how to save and invest wisely (though I guess time will tell there...). And I didn't want to have to handle the move to our house nor the subsequent sale of it but I did. And that's empowering as hell.

The key to all of this is patience. We seem to - or maybe it was just me - think that we should innately know how to do certain things and if we don't, it's just impossible and we give up. But no one is born knowing their way around TurboTax. No one comes out of the womb ready to use a circular saw. We all have to learn how to do things and of course it can be super frustrating. But, just think of the flip side: how gratifying will it be when it's accomplished?