A recent conversation about exploring the world around us and how it helped me with grief caused me to think about it a whole lot more, and I've noticed some striking parallels.
Initially, I chalked my love of wandering up to just enjoying the time to myself in anonymity. And that's partially true. It's also rewarding to have to figure things out in a foreign country, particularly when I was really struggling because it provided a focus outside of myself. But I think the overarching reason is that exploring the outer landscape provided space to explore my inner landscape.
Think of it this way: When we're in an unknown environment, we usually have some sort of map with us. If there are no maps, we try to find a guide who can show us around. We do this because we want to know where to go, where not to go, and what the norms of the area are. We might find beautiful spots along the way, we might find terrible spots, but we do know it will all be new.
Getting to know grief is similar. Lacking a map, we can hope to work with a guide who can give us some tips. We'll experience some awful things, we might stumble upon some beautiful things, but it's all new. And the only way to really get to know it is to explore. And while wanting to explore grief may sound counterintuitive, I felt that I needed to understand it a whole lot more deeply if I was going to be in its territory for a while.
When we first experience a tragic loss, we often feel like we can't even communicate. Our minds might go numb, trying to protect us from the true pain of it all. We're very forgetful and discombobulated because we're in unchartered emotional lands.
Similar to exploring the world around us, exploring grief can help us face some deep fears. We might think we can't do it and that we won't survive. Facing it shows us that we can, and that we will indeed survive. And it might not be territory we ever want to encounter again, at least we know we can make it through.
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