Working with grief seems weird, doesn't it? Why would anyone want to revisit terribly sad and sometimes traumatic events? Doesn't that bring up a whole of my own grief?
The simple answer is no, it's doesn't. What it does do is connect me to awe.
Think about it for a moment: what can be more awe-inspiring than working with people who are dealing with the heaviest of heavy, but who are determined to keep going? Sure, it's hard at first. When I first meet with clients, it's usually difficult for them to not cry as they tell me what they've been experiencing. Hell, it's hard for me not to cry and it's not my experience! But over the course of our time together - and sometimes, within a few weeks - I can see changes. They begin to sit upright. They make more eye contact. They smile on occasion. Sometimes, they find absurdity in what goes on around them. And on the best days, I can see the light in their eyes as they begin to think about their future.
That is some super human emotional strength right there. And what's even more impressive is that they don't get there by resolving to be strong - quite the opposite. They get there by allowing themselves to fully feel, to dive deep into grief to understand it, and to reach out for help and support.
Lest this post be misconstrued as some self-congratulatory thing, I have to note that it's truly not me doing the hard work. Coaching is about asking some pointed questions but ultimately, the coach isn't the one who has to be willing to take those deep emotional dives. I'm not the one who spent a day fighting with lawyers and insurance companies and who still decided to show up to a coaching session even though I'm emotionally spent. I'm not the one who might have had a blow up with an unsympathetic family member who got on my last nerve but is still willing to talk about the hard stuff.
Grief almost puts us in fight or flight mode, so it's truly amazing to me that those who dealing with it make the active decision to channel that energy into their own futures. To be able to take a step out and view it that way, how else could I feel about this all?
This post is basically a love note and a thank you to current and former clients. You are truly amazing and inspire me in ways you don't even know.
Keep going.
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