When I was in grade school, a girl from the local high school came to live with us because she had a turbulent home life. She was the queen of quips and was wildly funny but one of her sayings that has always stuck with me was "I'm not conceited... I'm convinced."
At the time, I took it as just another of her jokes. I thought she was trying to be funny, playing up exactly how conceited she was. But in truth, it's a sentiment that has stayed with me and it's one that I was never able to adopt until much later.
Confidence does not come from a place of insecurity. People who brag constantly are actually the opposite of confident - they're so desperately insecure that they need to tell us all the time how amazing they are. Confidence is about really taking the time to know who we are - warts, bumps, and all - and about loving every part because we know it's all what makes us uniquely us.
Profound loss often leads to insecurities because it shakes our identities so hard. I felt really lost after Bill died but I did know, deep down, who I was. My confidence helped me get through the darkest days and on the outside, I guess it seemed strange to some people. In fact, I remember when someone asked me why I had such a high opinion of myself. The thing is? I don't. I don't think I'm better than anyone - but I also don't think I'm less than anyone. I'm beyond aware of my faults, but I also know I've worked really hard to control what I can and to improve my world. I know I'm funny and that I can use that to deflect uncomfortable emotions. I know that I'm intelligent and that I can choose to be otherwise with certain (many?) things. I know I'm impatient and that I will take the time to figure things out when I have to. I know I have a unique sense of style and that it comes from growing up broke. None of this is mutually exclusive, it's simply the balance of who I am. This honesty is not bragging: it's being real about all of me and what I bring to the world.
Confidence is about truly understanding our self-worth, and that it's 100% on us to do so. If we don't know, down in our bones, how incredible we are, why should anyone else?
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