... and I'm back! I took about a year off from writing here... more on that in a bit...
Today happens to be June 5th. It's a BIG DAY for me.
June 5th was the first time Bill and I went out. We were only friends and neither expected that to change but we celebrated June 5th every year after as the start of... something. Today marks 12 years since that first June 5th.
And, because the dates lined up, we placed Klaus's birthday as June 5th. He would be 9 today.
And, June 5th also happened to be our dear friend Mickey's birthday. She was such a part of our lives and when she passed away a few years ago, her family held her Celebration of Life on - you guessed it - June 5th.
And, last year, we lost our dog Ichi on June 5th.
Now, all of THAT could mean that June 5th is a big bundle of awful but for some reason, it's not. I think the reason is simply because when so many things are piled on, it's almost impossible to tease any of it apart anymore. How can so many sad things happen to be true on one day? And, thinking on it that way, what else can be true?
All of the loss I have associated with June 5th actually is because it had previously been a very happy date. We loved celebrating that first dinner every year. We loved Klaus's birthday on the same day, and I loved finding out Mickey's birthday was on June 5th when we became friends.
The point is that the happiness and sadness can coexist. They both can be true. And for me, that helps shift sad anniversaries because the sadness only exists because of the happiness that preceeded it. Instead of dwelling in one end of the spectrum, I try to lodge myself more in the middle and draw out the happiness that is actually still there and thriving.
Another way to think about it is that now, today, this June 5th is a beautiful one. We have bright blue skies for the first time in a while. A neighbor's honeysuckle is scenting the air. I have time and space to write, to hike near the ocean, and to soak up the sun. That is all true despite the date. There's no one truth that determines how the day will be.
That understanding alone provides so much relief.
Ok, so: where have I been? After cranking out a book, I think I was just burnt out on writing about grief for a while. It felt like I was forcing myself to elicit more, and after a while, that was drawing me back into spaces of grief that were no longer true to me. Grief always exists after loss but forcing myself back into those places wasn't allowing me to grow in the way I needed to.
Going forward, it makes more sense to send out newsletters monthly with more than just a blog post snippet. Expect those snippets along with events, readings, music, whatever - more of a package for self care in various forms.
And, if you're still here, THANK YOU! I truly love grief work and it's so humbling that people trust me with their journeys.
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