Boundaries

Learning to say no after loss feels awkward. We've already lost someone very precious to us and the idea of risking further loss can send us spiraling. But, all sorts of unresolved issues come up after trauma and learning where to set healthy boundaries can be key to saving our sanity.

Many of us have been raised to be people-pleasers and others may take advantage of this after loss. We're already so shaken that we're trying to find stable footing. We don't want to turn away anyone when we're not sure how we feel. But we have to remember that not everyone has our best interests in mind and it's perfectly fine to say no to things we simply don't want to do. We don't need excuses: no is a complete sentence.

If we're not sure, ask instead "If I say yes to this, what is that saying no to?" That can help clarify where to spend time and energy.

Setting healthy boundaries isn't about shutting anyone out. It's about being painfully honest about what we need. Setting boundaries means we love ourselves enough to set up self-protection and we respect the relationship enough to want to preserve it. Consider it an act of love for self and for the other party.

The holidays drudge up all sorts of long-lingering drama and can turn into a pressure-cooker. It's worth taking some time to think about what we need, what we really don't need, and how to set those boundaries.