When something extreme happens, we usually spend so much time spinning out emotionally that we don't pay attention to what our bodies are trying to tell us. A physical reaction might not even be immediate, but your body is powerful and will work to help you process and survive trauma.
Right after Bill died, I couldn't sit up straight. My mother pointed this out to me - I hadn't even noticed - but I was slouching all the time. If I tried to sit up tall, my shoulders would automatically round back in and down. Later, I realized that it was one of the ways my body was trying to protect me. Although I was not physically injured, our visceral psyche doesn't understand the difference and will try to handle trauma as a whole. Animals curl up as a defense mechanism and that's exactly what was happening to me.
Another really interesting phenomenon was that about six months after Bill died, I was tired all the time. I didn't give myself time to rest immediately after he passed because there were so many decisions to make and I was more or less alone since we have no family living nearby. I also wanted to see our plans through for our house, which meant loads of renovations. I felt compelled to make good on our hopes and dreams, and while that may seem like a worthy cause, it meant that I just didn't rest.
After six months of pushing myself, I was done. I flew to New York for what was supposed to be a work trip and I'd loaded up on visits with friends every day I'd be there. But when the trip finally came about, I couldn't do it. I was emotionally, psychologically, and physically tapped out. I cancelled everything and on everyone and instead curled up in my childhood bedroom at my mother's and slept for a week.
And? That was fine. That's what my body needed. That also tapped into our cycles. Animals have times of activity and prolonged seasons of rest. With the advent of electricity, we ignore that and tend to treat darker times - night, winter - the same way we do brighter times and push into a frenzy of activity. That's not how we're wired, though, and when you're trying to process trauma, your body needs downtime more than ever.
Give yourself a break. Take the time to ask your body what it needs. Close your eyes and just meditate on it. You might be surprised what comes up.
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