A dear friend just lost a loved one - maybe her parent, maybe her partner, maybe her best friend. Regardless, she's devastated. But, you live on the other side of the country and you're not sure what you can do to help. What the heck can you do?
Believe it or not, there are a variety of ways to help, some of which take little effort. But they do mean a lot and can help her understand she's loved and supported.
Here are a few ideas to help even when you can't physically be there:
Call. It sounds so overly simple, and of course you don't want to bother her - but call. If she's not up to talking, she won't. (And if she doesn't want to talk, it's truly not a reflection of you...) Just taking the initiative to call and letting her know you're there is a big one.
Hold space. If she does answer or wants to talk, don't feel the need to "fix" her. She's not broken, nor is her situation. Loss is painful and there's really no sunny side to it. Hold space and let her talk. She's going to need to get that pain out and just listening to her without judgement is priceless.
Send something loving. Flowers are beautiful but many of us are bombarded with flowers in the initial week or two after the death. Hold off a little bit and send something specific to her that will provide some self-care. It can be a bath-soak package, or a gift card for a massage, or a stack of books. Think about what she wants, what she's struggling with, and what would help. Something that says "Hey, I know you're struggling, and I hope this provides just a bit of relief" will mean the world.
Consider a cooking classes or a meal service. This one is a little trickier but can make a huge difference. Think about her situation: who cooked most of the meals before the death? Is she eating at all? Is she just mindlessly subsisting on junk? A lot of people bring over food immediately after the loss, much of which will unfortunately go to waste. Consider sending her cooking classes (if appropriate) once she's up for them so she can refocus on her own well being. Or, consider sending pre-measured cooking services like Blue Apron or Purple Carrot.
Distance is always challenging during times of loss, which the pandemic has exacerbated. But just showing up - no matter what it looks like - can help us all get through very dark times.
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